2009

Well this is a little tradition I started back in 2006, where I fill out this anual survey. It's just a reflection of the year past, and ever since I started filling it out, it's been really fun to look back every year to see how much I've grown.

Up until this point, it's been posted on my Xanga (totally jr. high, I know) but seeing as how Xanga is outdated now, I'm going to start putting this on my blog (which I rarely update anyway).

I'll go back and post all of the old ones on here sometime. But for now, here's 2009...

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
graduated from college, worked full time, got my own doggie

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I'm not sure if I made any resolutions.  If I did it was probably something along the lines of "tone up my abs" and "graduate college."  And I can check both of those off now!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Jen!  She named her Jayla.  Sarah, Greg's sister, and she name her Lyla.  AND they were both born on my half birthday!  Weird, huh?

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.  This was a bad year for celebs though :-(  We lost MJ, Patrick Swayze, Farrah Fawcet, Brittany Murphy, Billy Mays...

5. What countries did you visit?
No countries.  Just KC and Maryville.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
That's a toughie.  I'd like to know exactly what I wanted to do with my life, set that goal, and start working towards it.  But then again, do we ever really know that kind of stuff?

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May - graduation (my family was so proud), Dec -Christmas with my family and Greg

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Making the transition from college student to working full time.  It was definitley an adjustment, but overall I'm happy where I'm at, and I'm very glad to be done with school :-)

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Stupid knee injury at the beginning of the year, from Jan to almost May, and it prevented my from running (my favorite excerise).  Had to take it easy on them for a long time before I could go back to the gym.  I still can't run to this day!  I have to do the elliptical or bike.  Stupid knees!

10. What was the best thing you bought?
OMG I'm more of a shopiholic now than I ever have been in my entire life!  Working full time = money.  Money = shopping.  I discovered Marshalls this year, AMAZING deals.  I'd have the say my favorite purchase that comes to mind are these pink glitter shoes that I got off of endless.com.  They are amazing!

11. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My grandparents!  I moved home with them in May and they take care of me every day!  I love them so much!

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I don't know about appalled and depressed by I had some behavior that made me very PO'd.  And that's why those people are not a part of my life anymore.

13. Where did most of your money go?
shopping, bills, gas, the usual.  Shopping is def #1 though.

14. What did you got really, really, really excited about?
When I got my puppy, Sabrina!  FINALLY graduating after 5 years. 

15. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Party in the USA - Miley.  And Brit Brit's Circus CD.  Oh yeah, her concert was good too!  and Single Ladies - Beyonce

16. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? happier!  Very content with what life has given me!

ii. thinner or fatter? probably thinner, I packed on a few lbs last holiday season.  My butt is growing though.  I'm not really complaining, but I wonder where it's coming from.  Is this my 2nd round of puberty?

iii. richer or poorer? richer.  Still in debt though.  But I've actually started paying off my student loans, and am 2 months ahead on all my payments.  Go me!

17. What do you wish you'd done more of?
push ups!  LOL.  I don't know.

18. What do you wish you'd done less of?
I get mad over really stupid stuff sometimes.  I need to work on that.

19. Did you fall in love in 2009?
still in love.  Each year we keep growing!  :-)

20. How many one-night stands?
Hey now!  I'm not that kind of girl.

21. What was your favorite TV program?
Ellen, Today Show (I have a thing for Matt Lauer), Sabrina the Teeange Witch, GLEE! Eastwick (which got canceled), SYTYCD, DWTS

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I try to be nice and not use the word hate... but I can't say I haven't used that word a few times this year...

23. What was the best book you read this year?
Are You There Vodka?  It's Me, Chelsea.  God, I really should read more literature.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
GLEE GLEE GLEE!  Demi Lovato (saw her in concert!), Justin Bieber

25. What did you want and not get?
a giant diamond on my left hand.  Just kidding, not ready for that.  I wouldn't mind a right hand ring though... just saying.

26. What were your favorite films of this year?
HP6 (duh). 

27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Went to dinner with Greg, Fallon, and Greg's friend Nathan.  It was an awkward unintended double date.  Then Greg and I went to The Palms and celebrated.  I had a realy cute outfit... cute brown boots with brown tights... that's the part I really care about.

28.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Maybe if I won the lottery.  Yep, that's what I need... a winning lottery ticket.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Sundresses and wedges in the summer, sweater dresses and leggings in the winter.  I've tried really hard to start building a "grown up" wardrobe.  But I can't deny my true self, I'm still attracted to everything in the jr's section.  Including animal print and glitter.

30. What kept you sane?
Myself!  And the occasional trip to the gym doesn't hurt either.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I really like that girl from Glee, Rachel.  She reminds me of myself when I was a kid.

32. What political issue stirred you the most?
I guess this healthcare reform thing.  We'll see what happens.

33. Who did you miss?
I miss living with my little butt buddy Fallon!  And miss seeing random friends around campus.

34. Who was the best new person you met?
Little Miss Mayra Daniela.  She is my little mexican hot tamale!  Amazing friend and co-worker.  And Mel and all my little Whiskey Girl butt buddies, Lauren, Cassie, Brandy.  All great people!  Love you guys!

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
YOU have to make things happen for yourself!  And to be happy with the way God made you!

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Yeeeaaahhhhheeeeaahhheeeahhheeeahhh it's a party in the USA.  (I'm sorry, I couldnt' resist).

37. Best game of the year?
OMG the Bearcats FINALLY won the National Championship, after 5 consecutive years of making it all the way to Alabama, 5th times a charm!!!  GO CATS!

I can now update my blog via text message. Wonder what witty things I will come up with next.

Perception

Dear Blog,

I realize it's been awhile since my last blog. I hope you realize I only feel the need to update after a few glasses of wine.

Question of the night: do you ever wonder how other people perceive you?

I think everybody does. Even if they won't admit it.

happy

I think that everyone should love themselves. Not in a concieded way, but in a healthy way.

laugh

I just realized I quoted a Miley Cyrus song in a previous blog. Just wanted to let you know that it's ok to make fun of me for that. I didn't realize that song would get so popular.

Solo

I've tried really hard throughout my life to not become a stereotype. Maybe almost too hard.

When it comes down to it, I'm a girly girl who loves pink, shopping, and anything that sparkles. I'd rather buy a million pairs of Christian Louboutins than ever buy a house, and I don't care to learn how to cook unless it's something in the microwave. I want a big diamond when I get engaged but I could care less about the wedding. It's my true calling to be a dancer or a cheerleader, I don't care much for sports. I'm hoping that if I wear heels every day for the rest of my life my feet will mold to that shape and I will finally have Barbie feet.

There. Glad I got that off my chest.

??

I find it strange that people that I remember doing beer bongs my freshman year of college are now engaged, and pregnant. Wow. Times change.

Positive outlook

It's been awhile since my last blog, and a lot has changed!

I've started a new job and living a "big girl" life. I will never call my self a true adult, just a little girl trying to do big girl things.

It's been a tough start, and I won't shy away from making this blog public because I think anyone could say that (especially people at my work place) it's difficult. It's hard making that transition from college life to adulthood. However, I tell myself daily to stay positive.

I lived my college experience to the fullest, and I was 100% ready to take the next step. Well, as ready as I could be at least. And I do enjoy working, as stressful as it may be.

But I will say, sometimes I really hate people. And when I say people, I mean the general public. I don't understand how people can be so hurtful and treat others like crap. What is wrong with us? Why do we have to put others down? I get it daily, and it almost makes me want to lose faith in the world.

I tell myself that everyone has their issues, and everyone has bad days. Just because I came across someone on a bad day doesn't mean they're a bad person. And if they are a crappy person, well it just makes me want to be better. I never want to make anyone feel like they make me feel.

Stay positive everyone, I know life sucks sometimes. Remember, it could always be worse!

sigh

I feel like I'm in a weird spot in life right now.

Or maybe it's just my mood.

Either way, it will pass...

La Vie Boheme

In my early college years, I always wanted to become one of those starving artist types. I pictured myself living in NYC, living in a 1 bedroom apartment with 7 other 20-somethings, working in a diner, and trying to book dancing gigs in my free time.

In the day time I'd work at my crappy diner job, and at night I'd be a go-go dancer at a fancy night club. I'd wear little sparkly costumes and dance around all night, letting everyone think I lead some kind of glamorous life.

And of course all of my roommates would be gay guys and other struggling artists. We'd all complain about how we don't have any money all the time, but in the end know how lucky we are to have each other.

And no, this isn't the plot for Rent. But the whole Bohemian thing would fit in too!

Sigh...

By TwitterButtons.net

state of mind

Hey Blog,

Just wanted to let you know I'm in a completely different state of mind than my last blog. New feeling: excitement!

I have a good blog in mind, I thought about it the whole time I was driving home. But not it's 1AM and I need to go to bed.

Night!

There's always gonna be another mountain, I'm always gonna want to make it move
There always gonna be an uphill battle, sometimes I'm gonna have to lose ~

the end of the beginning

Well I can't really put my finger on it, but I'm just feeling down. Not pure sadness, or depressed, but just down on my spirits.

I still find it strange that I'm graduating. It's really quite remarkable, if you would've looked at me 3 years ago you would've guessed that it would've never happened for me. I really didn't expect it myself. I remember my first day of college, sitting in freshman seminar and the teacher said "Look around you, half of the people in this room are going to drop out." I think I sort of put myself into that category.

My decision to come to college wasn't because I wanted to learn, or because I wanted to get out of my parents house. I've never had my heart set on a certain profession, like those people who have always known they want to be teachers or doctors. I came to college because, well, that's just what you do after high school. I came in as an undecided major, and I'm leaving 5 years later, still undecided on what I should do.

I've been ready to graduate for awhile now, mostly after my 4th year here, and my 5th year was rough trying to motivate myself to still do school work. But now that it's here, it's really here, I want to slam on the breaks and pause. I don't feel ready for this to end, and for what's next.

I think right now is the hardest part, I absolutely hate good-byes. It's not like everyone is leaving for the summer, everyone is branching off to their next step in life. It's so hard to accept that I will never see some of my classmates and neighbors again. Good thing we have facebook, right?

I've been thinking a lot lately, maybe a little too much, but I've done a lot of reflecting. Maryville has become such a part of me, I've grown so much here. There are so many memories and stories that I will have to remember it by for the rest of my life.

I know, I'm talking like the town is going to be burned down tomorrow or something. No, it's not like that. And since my boyfriend is actually from Maryville, I know I'll be back quite a bit. But it won't be the same. All of my friends will be gone, I won't have my apartment, this won't be my home anymore. Just a place to visit.

All I've been wanting to do lately is reflect. Just sit around and be sad. I know I have a lot of reasons to be happy and excited, but it's like I have to get all of the sad out of me before I can do that.

In the end, I am happy. I am excited. I am proud of myself. And I deserve it.

This is the end of one chapter.... what's next?

just a thought...

Sometimes, the universe can show us something so beautiful that it touches your heart.

And reminds us how lucky we are to be alive.

New blogs coming soon.  Funny ones.  Well, ones attempting to be funny.

Interesting?

I haven't done a very good job of making this blog very interesting. A random blurb here and there hardly makes this readable, even for myself. I want to make this a place where I can document my thoughts, publicly.

So I'm going to share a few random thoughts with you.

1) I cannot function if I don't eat breakfast. My stomach starts to grumble and my vision gets blurry. I also crave Diet Coke in the morning, I swear that stuff is worse than drugs. I think they still put cocaine in it.

2) I will always have fake nails. Even if I have to use my last 20 bucks to get a fill, I will do so. It's a personal choice, every girl has to make one.

3) I dress like a bum pretty much every day. I feel like it's something you have to take advantage of when you're in college.

There, 3 thoughts. I didn't promise anything interesting, but there you have it.

Yawn.

Britney

I saw Britney in concert last night. I can die happy now.

To my disappointment, she didn't play "Email My Heart." Next time? Encore!!!

Doggie Poo

I'm going to say something meaningful and groundbreaking on this thing one day, you just wait.

Puppy fever!

I got my puppy!  Sabrina Spellman Kernel!

Pics to come!

burn out

I have a test at 12:35pm today. I haven't studied. I just took the practice test.. that's good enough, right?

conclusion: I'm burnt out on school

I'm really beginning to like twitter. Mostly because you can follow celebs. But I don't have any friends on it :-/

It really bothers me that I don't know how to put a layout on here. I revamped my myspace and it looks neato! http://www.myspace.com/kaylabarbie24

I spend too much time on the computer.

110 days until Harry Potter 6!

If I went to Hogwarts...

• I'd be in the Slytherin house.
• My favorite class would be Transfiguration.
• Professor Binns would be my favorite instructor (because he's small).
• I would have jet black hair and would be Yule Ball Queen.
• I'd be dating Harry, and I'd kick that bitch Ginny's ass.

Blessed

Friends are rare, and I am lucky to have a few good ones that make my heart smile =)

I don't appreciate daylight savings time. 

I do appreciate the Harry Potter marathon on ABC family right now.

And I still wish I had a sweet layout.  This boringness drives in insane in the membrane.

Layout?

I can't figure out how to put a cool layout on this stupid thing. I want something sparkley and girly, this boringness makes me never want to blog.

Birthdays

I am enjoying my last day of being 22 today.  What will 23 bring?

Lots of love and happiness I hope!

DiXiE

Dixie Beethoven Kernel

May 1994 - Feb 12, 2009

We had her put down.  It was her time, the poor thing had a tumor the size of a basketball on her leg, could barely get off the ground because her legs weren't strong enough, began pooping inside the house, and was in the beginning stages of going blind.  She also had a terrible stench to her.

At first I was relieved to hear that my grandma had finally made the decision to take her in.  It made me so sad to go home and see the dog from my childhood in such bad condition.  I received a text message from my grandma Monday morning that said "Dixie d-day, Thursday" and my first instinct was to say "FINALLY!"  When the day came, it began to sink in.

I was laying in a tanning bed around 1:30pm, realizing that these were the last moments of Dixie's life.  Deep breath, I know it'll be ok.

I filled the rest of my day is various activities, geared at getting my mind off of it.  5:00pm, my grandma calls while I'm driving home.  She sounds normal, telling me about a purse she bought when she went shopping earlier and now she's going to Autozone with my grandpa to get some car parts.  I think she could tell by my quietness that something else was on my mind.  

"It's been a hard day," she said.  Tears well up.  "Yeah" I replied.  She took a deep breath, and before anything else could come out of her mouth, the tears gushed out of my eyes.  "Even Justin (my brother) cried." There, finally, it hit me.

I cried the rest of the way home.

I can't believe she's gone.  The dog that I've spent 3/4 of my life with is gone, vanished from this earth.  I will never see her again.

I can't shake this feeling of guilt.  I'm not sure for what, there wasn't anything any of us could do.  I had a dream about Dixie the other night and I told my grandma about it.  She said "I've been thinking about Dixie a lot lately."  She told me how excited she was to finally get to go somewhere when they (my grandma and Justin) put her in the car to go to the vet.  She hadn't been somewhere in so long because of her inability to get in the car.  I can't imagine how miserable the last year of her life was, sitting cooped up in the house all the time.  I wish I could've done more to brighten her life.

One way of looking at it is that the last memories of her life were happy ones.  

I'm not sure why I decided to make my first post such a sad one.  I guess I just want someone else to know how I feel, even if it's a stranger.